


Seonghwa’s Message

by utopiansun



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Angst, Crying, Drowning, How Do I Tag, I'm Sorry, Lots of Angst, Murder, No Romance, Not Beta Read, One Shot, Please Don't Hate Me, Sad Ending, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, We Die Like Men, alternative universe, hongjoong is sad, no happy ending, yeosang is trying his best
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-03
Updated: 2020-07-03
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:27:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25042393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/utopiansun/pseuds/utopiansun
Summary: Seonghwa’s last message to Hongjoong.
Relationships: Kim Hongjoong & Park Seonghwa
Comments: 13
Kudos: 25





	Seonghwa’s Message

His hands were shaky and he felt his chest tighten. He was scared. Maybe even terrified. And all he was about to do was read the last letter his now dead best friend left him. He didn’t know what he was expecting from it, what he would read. He didn’t even know what emotions he would feel. Would he cry? Would he feel numb? Would he pass out because everything would be too much for him? He didn’t know. A part of him didn’t want to know, but that part was small, incredibly small. He had to know. Maybe Seonghwa left a hint.

  
“Hongjoong?” A voice, right next to him, and yet it seemed so far away.

  
Right. He wasn’t alone. Not anymore. Yeosang came over to support him as he read through the message. He looked over, an expression of worry painted over the younger’s face. He looked like he hadn’t slept in a while, which he probably hasn’t. They all haven’t slept well, or at all really, since this thing started.

  
“Are you listening, Hongjoong?” Did he zone out again? It seemed so.

“Huh..? Oh.. sorry. What did you say?”

  
“I asked if you’re alright, and if you’re really sure that you want to do this. I could get San or Wooyoung instead, if that would make you feel more comfortable?”

Yeosang and him weren’t really that close. They barely associated with each other, honestly. They only knew each other because of Wooyoung. Those two were the same age, and best friends since a while. A long while. The only thing Hongjoong knew about Yeosang was that he looked like a statue, liked chicken and was a photographer. That, and he was quiet and calm. Or used to be. Nobody was calm anymore ever since they joined this twisted, sick game. They had no chance to calm down.

“No, no.” He rushed to answer, realizing he had been getting lost in his thoughts again. “It’s alright. You’re.. just fine. It’s just a lot.”

Yeosang wish he could say he understood, but he really didn’t. He didn’t know what it was like to lose your best friend because someone decided to murder him. He could only imagine what it was like, but even that was hard. He hasn’t really experienced the death of a loved one yet.

He took a deep breath and reached for his phone, unlocking it easily. The message was there. At least, the first page of it. He glanced over at Yeosang, who was holding a box of tissues and gave him an encouraging nod, and began to read. Not out loud, though. No. This was for him only.

“ _To my dearest friend,_

_ Kim Hongjoong. _

_I don’t know when this will be sent to you. I don’t know if this will ever be sent to you. What I do know is that once this is sent to you, I’ll be gone from your life. I’ll be watching over you from above. With wings, much like toothless!_ ”

And already, he had to pause. Closing his eyes as he felt a lump in his throat, he took another deep breath. He was trembling, but he wasn’t cold. He felt a hand on his shoulder, squeezing gently in a way that should be comforting him, but he didn’t feel anything. He opened his eyes again after a few seconds and continue reading.

“ _I know that you’ll be upset. I know you might even be mad, because someone has dared to hurt me. Your best friend. But I ask of one thing: Don’t be mad at yourself because you couldn’t save me. Even if my life was in your hands, nobody saw this coming. And I’m sure you tried your best, no?_ ”

His hands gripped his phone tighter as he blinked away the tears that were a step away from freely running down his face.

He did. He tried his best. But it wasn’t enough. No matter how hard he tried, he had failed to save his best friend. Someone he swore to protect with his life. And yet, here he was. Alive. While Seonghwa was dead. He failed to keep one of his most important promises. And yet he couldn’t even be mad at himself, because Seonghwa told him to not be. He couldn’t upset Seonghwa and go against his wish.

“ _You probably refused to sleep, just to spend more time finding out where I could be and who could be doing this to me. Thank you, Joongie. Thank you for trying to save me and giving that your all._ ”

His all wasn’t his best.

Had he been scared? What a silly question. Of course he was scared. He probably counted the seconds and waited for Hongjoong to save him, or for whoever was behind this to tell him that Hongjoong and everyone else solved all riddles and that he was safe. And then, when that bastard drowned him.. Hongjoong can’t even begin to imagine how terrified Seonghwa must have been. He wished he could — wished he could have been in Seonghwa’s place instead, or at least feel half of what Seonghwa went through, but he just felt nothing.

“ _I’d also like to thank you, and everyone else, for the memories we have made during our time together. I treasure those as much as I treasure you. Remember that one time I dragged you out of your studio, off to the park and you began to doze off under a tree until an Apple fell down and hit the top of your head? You ended up throwing said Apple at me, because I was laughing at you! But come on, that was funny, admit it!_ ”

He smiled softly at the memory. He was smiling with tears running down his face, and both were caused by none other than Park Seonghwa. What a silly thing of him to ask, if Hongjoong remembered. He remembered every time Seonghwa came to drag him out of his studio, or came to visit him with lunch. He remembered a lot. He hoped he’d never forget any of these memories.

“ _You would have laughed too if it was me in your place. I really wish I could go back to that day right now, even if it means I’d get hit on top of the head with an Apple. I’d even gladly go back to all those days you bit me to show your affection. Still a weird way to show affection, but if you’re happy with that, then I’m happy. As long as you’re okay, so am I._ ”

Typical Seonghwa. Always putting others’ happiness before his own. That was one of the many things Hongjoong adored about him. It was one of the many things he’d do anything for to have it back — to have Seonghwa back. But that was impossible.

He barely registered the hand soothingly rubbing his back, or the tissue gently dabbing away any tears on his face. It stayed out of sight, though, so it wouldn’t disturb his reading. If Yeosang was saying anything, Hongjoong wasn’t hearing it. He wasn’t hearing anything. He was surrounded by silence.

“ _So, promise me one thing. Always make sure you’re okay. Don’t lock yourself up in the studio. I won’t be able to come and drag you out anymore._ ”

Make sure he’s okay? How could he be okay? He lost Seonghwa. Does one just heal from the loss? How? How long does it take for people to heal after they lost someone? He couldn’t imagine himself being okay again right now. If Seonghwa were here, he’d tell him that he’ll be okay. He can try, at least. He isn’t sure if he’ll succeed, but if Seonghwa wants him to be okay, he’ll try his best.

Hongjoong would pout at Seonghwa and whine in protest whenever the other came to drag him out, begging him to let him stay in for one more hour. If Hongjoong knew he’d lose him so soon, he wouldn’t have protested. He wouldn’t have locked himself up in there as much. If he could have it back for one day, he’d appreciate it more than ever. He wouldn’t complain, wouldn’t pout. He’d simply smile and follow Seonghwa out. The other would probably look at him weird, ask what he’s planning and look around to see if he’s being pranked, but no. Hongjoong would just know that it’s one of the last few moments they’d have together.

“ _Thank you for becoming my happiness, my best friend, my home. My soulmate. My little strawberry, take care of everyone for me. Try your best to keep them safe. I have a feeling this horror won’t end after I’m gone._ ”

He chuckled dryly, no emotion found in the sound. Keep them safe? He couldn’t even keep Seonghwa safe, and now he expects him to be able to keep everyone else safe? But it’s what Seonghwa wants. And if that’s his wish, then he will try his best.

“ _If anything happens to them, don’t worry about it too much. I’ll be there, welcoming them with open arms. I’ll take care of them up there, and we will all wait until the day you come to join us. I hope that reunion doesn’t happen too soon, with any of us. Whether it’s you, San, Wooyoung, Wooyoung’s friends, or Yunho._ ”

Hongjoong can’t say he agrees with Seonghwa. It’s not that he wishes for his other friends to get hurt, to die as well. It’s just that he wishes he could be with Seonghwa again as soon as possible. He couldn’t even say goodbye to him properly. He has so many regrets that he wants to get rid of, and the only way to do so is seeing Seonghwa again. But his dearest friend doesn’t want him to join him just yet, so Hongjoong won’t. Not yet. No matter how much he wants to. He can’t. He can’t leave the others alone, he has to keep them safe. He has to find Yunho and find out who’s behind this and put an end to it before someone gets hurt again.

“ _My sweet strawberry. I hope tears aren’t running down your face as they are on mine as you read this, as I finish this message. It’s quite long, isn’t it? Unlike you. Grow some more._ ”

This time his chuckle held emotion to it. Sadness, and yet a tiny hint of amusement. It wasn’t his fault that he was the shortest out of them all.

He felt some movement next to him and a glass of water was placed on the coffee table in front of him, and it was then that he finally noticed the hand on his back. It was meant to be comforting, he knew. Yeosang was trying his best despite not being sure what to do, but he couldn’t feel any comfort coming from it. He felt guilt, sadness, pain, disappointment. Guilt because he couldn’t say goodbye to Seonghwa and took things for granted. Sadness because of very obvious reasons. Pain because he lost someone so close and important to him to the hands of a murderer, of a psycho. And disappointment in himself because he failed to protect Seonghwa, failed to save Seonghwa.

Yeosang must have noticed that he temporarily stopped reading, because a tissue was now held in front of his face. After a few seconds, he took the tissue and wiped some of the tears running down his face, though it was no use and he knew it. Fresh, new tears only replaced the ones he just wiped away.

Seonghwa would pull him close and tell him to let it out, and after a while, he’d cup Hongjoong’s face and slowly wipe the tears away. He’d either listen to Hongjoong rant about whatever had him this upset, or try to cheer him up by being dumb. By being Seonghwa.

“ _Let me take some worries away from you. I’ll be okay. No matter what happens to me, I know I’ll be okay in the end. Trust me. I tried to keep this as lighthearted as possible, to allow you to smile because of me one last time, but I’m sorry I can’t be there to hold you and wipe those tears, that I’m sure are rushing down your face by now, away. Please call one of the boys over if you’re reading this alone. Allow them to comfort you. It’s okay to cry. You’re not weak because you’re crying._ ”

As stupid as it sounded, Hongjoong felt reassured. Not a lot, but it was something. To hear, or read, that Seonghwa is okay right now made him feel just the tiniest bit better. He wasn’t in any pain, he wasn’t suffering. Though, it was stupid for Seonghwa to assume that he won’t smile when remembering the times they had together. Of course he’d smile again, one day, when it didn’t hurt as much anymore.

He was sure Seonghwa would appreciate the effort Yeosang is putting in right now. When he was back in his right mind, he would surely thank Yeosang for helping him out and comforting him — or trying his best to do so, at least.

“ _Continue on with your dream, okay? I’m already incredibly proud of you, but you never fail to make me prouder. I want to see you on big stages all over the world one day. In places I’ve been to already, or wanted to go to one day. I know you can do it. Remember to eat when producing and take little breaks. Apples are a very good snack!_ ”

He’d need some time for himself before getting back to music, but he already set a mental reminder to make a song or two for Seonghwa. After all, music was a way of expressing yourself, a form of art. And he wanted to express the happiness he felt through Seonghwa, as well as the sadness he felt when he lost him. After this whole mess is over, he surely would get to it.

In his current state of mind, he didn’t notice how weird it was for Seonghwa to mention apples out of nowhere once more.

“ _I must go now. My time for writing this is running out, much like the time of my life has by the time this will be sent to you._ ”

_Don’t go._ He wants to say it so badly, but to whom? The only person with him is Yeosang. Seonghwa is already gone. There’s no use in begging him to stay.

“ _I’m so sorry I won’t be ever able to see you again. I’m so sorry for myself that I won’t be able to see that smile of yours again and be the cause of it, be the cause of your laughter. I’m the cause of your tears now, and I’m deeply sorry for that. I’m so sorry these are my last words to you._ ”

Why is he apologizing? He’s so stupid. What in the world makes him think he’s the one that has to be sorry? Hongjoong should be sorry, and he is, not Seonghwa. Seonghwa hasn’t done anything wrong. It’s not his fault, he shouldn’t apologize. It’s not his fault he had to go. It’s not his fault this happened to him. It’s not his fault Hongjoong is crying. He’s not upset at him. It’s not fair that he felt the need to apologize for something out of his control. It’s not fair he felt the need to apologize for being murdered.

“ _Tell the boys and my family that I love them truly. But, as our secret, you have the most of my life, Joongie. I love you. I’ll always love you. And hecking gosh, did I love being your best friend._ ”

Hecking gosh? Did he really censor himself from cussing during his goodbye note? Seonghwa was something else. He had always been like that, and maybe that’s why he had been Hongjoong’s best friend. One moment he acted like he was 35, then would threaten to throttle Hongjoong and the next second he demanded to be babied. He’d miss that. He’d miss that so much. He wasn’t really one for physical affection, but with Seonghwa he didn’t mind.

He would miss the way it felt like, holding the other in his arms. He would miss the weird smile of Seonghwa’s, which always made him look like he was extremely uncomfortable or in pain, but that was never the case. He would miss hearing his laughter, hearing him sing some of the lyrics he found laying on Hongjoong’s studio.

He misses Seonghwa.

He placed the phone down after reading the last two lines, allowing the sobs he was holding back until now, so he could finish reading, to take over finally. He turned to Yeosang, curling up into his arms. He failed to notice how Yeosang went stiff for a second and hesitated to hug back, failed to notice how he held his phone in his hand and was texting someone. He also failed to notice how two more people entered his home a while later. The only thing on his mind were those last two lines. Those two lines that made him realize that this was it. That Seonghwa was gone.

“ _Sincerely yours forever,_

_Toothless ♡_ ”

**Author's Note:**

> this is from my social media horror AU on twitter! so, if this little snippet of it gets you interested and you would like to read the rest of it, the twt acc is mytreasre!


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